Challenges

Continuing with using this blog as an outlet for therapy (not being in the midst of an adoption or other exciting life events doesn't leave much worry for many readers and therefore, worrying about offending them), I have to "talk" about the recent challenges we're facing.
We've been doing therapy (speech and occupational) with Cole since June. It's exhausting. I wear many hats as a wife, mom and homemaker but therapist is a new one and it's not one I'm good at. The First Steps intervention program here in Missouri brings the therapists to your home and then parent and therapist work together for an hour each week. It is a stressful time here. I dread it on the days we have it. I love the days we don't.
As a former teacher who saw kids slapped with labels left and right, my tendency is to be skeptical about the psychology out there and the rush to diagnose our kids. Being married to a biblical/nouthetic counselor, our "prescriptions" for many of those diagnoses are much different from what therapists and psychologists would say. We believe the Bible to be sufficient for all spiritual conditions.
So, session after session, with little improvement (speech is better but behavior/OT is not), we began to look into what is really wrong with our peanut. And now our very own child has a label. Sensory Processing Disorder. And I cringe as I write that. But I can't deny his "symptoms" are true. I live with them every. single. day. I often say, "We're still dealing with _____ after 1 1/2 years?"
And now, not only am I a therapist during our scheduled therapy sessions, I now have to be a therapist 24/7 to help Cole get through this. And it is overwhelming. Yesterday, I couldn't help but cry as the OT was telling me all I needed to be doing. I felt bad for making her uncomfortable but I just couldn't keep it together. I was thinking about all my other responsibilities and all that I'd potentially have to give up (a truly selfish moment even though many of those things are good things).
A huge issue in this for me is discipline. Mark and I have strict expectations for our kids and went through an excellent parenting course last year that teaches us to teach our children to be "other-centered" instead of the overwhelming self-centered attitude the world embraces. Now I have to be extra mindful in determing his behavior - is it sensory related or just plain ol' sin?
I will say that God has softened my heart for Cole in this, making me more willing to love, just as I had been praying for. So much of this is spiritual & not just neurological, because of his circumstances during his first year of life. My heart breaks again for him and all he has had to endure. But at the same time, I feel so inadequate, unable and unwilling to deal with all this. And I thought by now we'd be past all this.
(I do need to point out that in no way does this affect my attitude towards him as my child. This could just as easily be the story of Lucy or Nate. But truly, this is the story of me and how God continues to allow my circumstances to be what they are so that I will be changed. )
Parenting is never easy but there are typically good phases and bad phases. I feel stuck in a bad phase for 1.5 years, alone, isolated with no end in sight. I feel desperate to receive biblical counsel from someone with a similar situation, to help me balance the issue of sin vs. disorder.
Have I said too much? Probably, but I have to be real. I am still pro-adoption and pro-Cole :) but feeling vulnerable and confused through these challenges right now.